Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize