I wish life had little blips of pornography
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
