YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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