cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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