She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
