They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
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Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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