I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
