One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
did you just send me my own nude
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
