I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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