Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
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At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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