i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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