Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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