Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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