Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
