Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
