1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
