dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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