so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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