are you still at the devil's house?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude