god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU