Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt