Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it