dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
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Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."