she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
