He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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