I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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