Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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