I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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