Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.