maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
