i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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