Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
