Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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