oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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