Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
