He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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