Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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