I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
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Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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