I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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