Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
