i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
