her vagine was all disorganized.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
