Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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