are you still at the devil's house?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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