She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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