Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
