I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
