they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I supernannyed him into submission
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
