we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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