It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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