dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
