i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
