She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize