his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
