He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do vagina's smell?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
