You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
