i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
