If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
