Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
