I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
