Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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