My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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