Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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