i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
