i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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