Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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