She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
